I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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