I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
