I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
