I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
