i think i have two assholes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
