My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
