well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have fence marks all over my body
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
