What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
