Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
