I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He shit in the fireplace
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
