He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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