I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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