I will die if light touches me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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