K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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