i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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