So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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