Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
