Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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