just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
