Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
