what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
