**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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