lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
