I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
