i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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