How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
