Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
