Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
