I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
