I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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