I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
