She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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