I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
