ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
