I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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