here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
