Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
