In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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