Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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