pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
