Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
