I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
