Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
