Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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