I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
