R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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