I met the friendliest cop last night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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