Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize