you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize