Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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