please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
