is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
