This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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