Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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