I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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