I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
