Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
