i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
