When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
