Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There r osticjed everywhere
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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