You're completely useless in the revolution.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
