It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
