let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
