New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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