Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
