just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
