Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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